The latest news for April 1, 2015
By D. West
NATIONAL GUARD CALLED OUT
TO COMBAT SWAMP CREATURE
Cleetus Garbonzo was entered
in a muddy cross-country race and
struggled in last place for most of
the day. He was covered in so much
mud that he had trouble seeing,
got lost and wandered 20 miles off
course into a rural town. He kept trying to stop local residents to ask for
directions, but they’d all run away
in fear, screaming, “It’s the swamp
creature!” It wasn’t until the military
arrived that they realized there was
actually a human being underneath
all that mud.
NEW DISCO HELMET AVAILABLE
Bee Gee Riding Gear is introducing their new Disco helmet, designed
to look like the mirrored ball that
hung above the disco dance floors of
the 1970s. To go along with the stylish helmet, they’re also planning on
offering polyester bell-bottom riding
pants and platform riding boots.
NEW THREE-WHEELER FROM
Our sources tell us that Hop Sing
Ching Motors is working on a new
three-wheeler to sell in the USA.
They wanted to make sure it had
more power and performance than
the previous king, Honda’s ATC250R.
Here’s their prototype being tested
with a 1600cc, four-cylinder, two-stroke motor. We’ll let you know if it
ever reaches production.
NEW WARNING LABELS FOR DIRT
Fred Bugtussel used to ride his
quad up this snow embankment
with no problem. However, when
he switched to a dirt bike, the skin-
nier front tire knifed into the snow,
sending him over the handlebars.
The Consumer Products Safety
Commission found out about this
incident, and they’re now consider-
ing labels on dirt bikes to warn rid-
ers who switch from quads.
NEW V4 TWO-STROKE ENGINE FOR
The battle between the new RZRs,
Mavericks and Wildcats has given
us a batch of high-performance
UTVs with over 100 horsepower. Will
Honda ever step up to challenge
them in this maximum muscle category? They could easily do so if they
put this engine in a newly designed
UTV with a name like “Radical Red.”
It uses four CR500 two-stroke cylinders in a V configuration and would
have no problem producing 260
horsepower. Honda won’t say what
the plans are for this engine, though.